I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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