So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
