and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
