listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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