After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
