I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize