I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
