I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
