We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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