I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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