My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
