Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
did i just pee glitter
PANTIES FOUND
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
