ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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