So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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