You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
