1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
