ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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