I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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