Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
