So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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