I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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