The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want a musical about memes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
