mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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