Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
