Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize