You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
