Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
