how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
