i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
