Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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