I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
