Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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