i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
