you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
