Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
