I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
