sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
