guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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