Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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