This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
