Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
