your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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