We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
