My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
