mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
