Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize