I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
