He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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