it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
