Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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