Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
