U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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