so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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