we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
