He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
