I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
