Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
