Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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