He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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