Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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