I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
