he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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