having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
