Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
