i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
