Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
