smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I won the penis lottery.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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