you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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