I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So vagazzling was a success
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
