i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mom said you looked used
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
