Non-Jews are for practice
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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