I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
