Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
