he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm passing your future prison.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins