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nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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