At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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