You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
