Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
