i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Four minutes until I can fart!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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