Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
