I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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