her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
