I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
